Inbox For QuiGon Jinn
by pronker
Summary: An inbox needs to be checked before messages pile up and life gets complicated, but Qui-Gon never does things the easy way.  Rated T for mentions of gambling, and some Obi-angst.  He's fourteen here, so what else can he feel?  Fic prompted by Mathematica.


Title: Inbox for Qui-Gon Jinn

Author: pronker

Rating: General

Characters: The Lucasgang: Qui-Gon Jinn, Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jocasta Nu, Dooku, Finis Valorum, Yaddle. The Watsonverse Gang: Tahl, Xanatos, Astri Oddo, Didi Oddo. One OC.

Time: Obi-Wan is about fourteen.

Disclaimer: I make no profit from this fanfiction set in George Lucas' Star Wars.

Summary: Qui-Gon Jinn's Inbox. From a prompt by the gracious and talented Mathematica on FanfictionDOTnet, also known as albumsontheside on LJ. Inbox: an idea whose time has come. Giggle at the other Inboxes here at: .net/s/4729008/1/Inbox

IOIOIOIOIO

_Hello. This is Xanatos DeCrion, Senior Padawan of Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn. The top Jedi team is out on a mission vital to the Republic at the moment, but leave a message at the sound of the sunrise. Yes, the sunrise. My Master has a strong affinity for all things natural and he insists that sunrises sound like something._

-_beep-_

_-ime to record a new greeting - now how do you do thi-_

_-beep-_

_-ush the 'record' button first, not the 'playback,' ah, I see, thank you, Obi-Wan. Greetings to one and all, gentlebeings. This is Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn. My new Padawan and I are out on a mission or meditating or sparring. Please leave a message at the sound of the sunrise. Thank you and have a Force-aware day._

_-beep-_

Qui-Gon, it's Tahl. You stood me up again for conjoined meditation at our spot in the gardens. I know you have a loose sense of time, but really! Even you can tell when the sun goes down. I waited and waited and finally gave up. My feminine intuition failed me and you ruined my meditation. You owe me.

_-beep-_

Yoda, this is. Buzzing, the Temple is, with rumors regarding the home world of Yaddle and myself. Call you back, I will, to discuss the origin of such rumors.

-_beep-_

Master Jinn, this is Jocasta Nu from the Archives. I've just taken over this position and am researching cold cases regarding fines. Fifteen and nine-seventeenths years ago, our lone copy of _Growing Better Pole Beans_ was loaned to you and never returned. This is unacceptable. I shall give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you simply forgot. Please find the disk post-haste. Padawan DeCrion was _never_ late with his account and I hope that your current Padawan follows his excellent example.

_-beep-_

Felicitations, Master Jedi! Your private number was given to us by a very close friend of yours. You will be excited to learn of the grand opening of _Big Leo's Luck's Lucent Lightning Casino_ in the theater district. We have exciting games of chance originating all the way from Wild Space to the innermost Core. Be sure to try out our Wheel of Extravagance! Big Leo welcomes you with open tentacles and a starting line of credit of five thousand.

_-beep-_

Hi, Master, it's me, Genevra. Surprise! I just heard that you accepted a new Padawan! I want to meet him and I think that my schedule will put me in Coruscant the day after tomorrow, local time. Master, I sense it's a wondrous gift from the Force that you can trust yourself again. I've been worried about you, Qui-Gon. I am your only female Padawan so far and I remember how fun, how _inspiring_ living with you used to be. Don't worry about accommodations. Any floor that doesn't ripple is fine for me to sleep on after five months on Sugnid, let me tell you. Is that old Yavin ficus still growing in the kitchen windowsill? Tell my sib-Padawan that if I like him, I might think about taking on a Padawan myself, haha! I'm sure I'll like him. It will be good to see home again, Master. I need to go, here's my transport. May The Force Be With You.

_-beep-_

Qui-Gon, it's Didi Oddo. Old friend, are you sitting down? Such a deal I am having for you! Big Leo has offered me a franchise to run a snack bar in his new casino! What a thing, what a wonderful thing! You can be my silent partner. I'm needing only some few thousand credits to pay the fees and perhaps a small amount to hire a server. Astri needs to take a refresher course in cooking school as a condition of settling the Coruscant Board of Health lawsuit. She won't be able to help me much.

_-beep-_

Qui-Gon, this is Astri Oddo. Did my father comm you just now? He's out of his mind to think that dealing with Big Leo is safe. We've settled the lawsuit and we need a fresh start, but it's not worth owing anything to Big Leo. Whatever you do, don't lend my father any funds. I can't take another episode like that bounty hunter creature and her whips. Tell Obi-Wan that my hair has grown back a little and that it looks like his brushcut now.

_-beep-_

At home, will you be soon, Qui-Gon? Distressing, it is, to play comm tag. Source of the rumors of my origin I need to clarify with you. In agreement, Master Yaddle and I are on this.

_-beep-_

Hello, Master. I'm going to be late studying at Bant's. It's that Mechanical Aspects Of Force Physics text that I'm having trouble with. She said that she would let me shape her into a colo clawfish for a while and get a more concrete example of the Principle Of Shapeshifting that is challenging to me. She is Mon Cal, close to being a shapeshifter without actually being one, you see. I know, Master, that you are cooking dinner tonight. I'm sorry to miss the Muja Flambe especially. I think that you ought to eat it all yourself and not allow me to enjoy any. That will help me to focus on pleasing you better. I live to please you, Master.

_-beep-_

Qui-Gon, this is Finis Valorum. I'm taking the day off from chancelling and going fishing with the boys of the Greater Coruscant Yacht Club. We are heading out in the Great Western Sea and want you to come along as a fishfinder. Oh, don't be that way. Aren't we part of the natural order of things? Don't we have to eat, too? You know the finnies would gnaw our bones if they could. But they can't. Come on along, it'll be a chance for us to bond with the boys. They're lovely people, really. All from the best families. Quite a bit of support for the Jedi and perhaps some dealmaking occurs on these outings, you know. Come with us and schmooze. You know you want to. I'll bring the bait. Gorgs this time, I think, for the _bigger_ fish.

_-beep-_

Xanatos calling, Jinn. I hear your new apprentice meets all your requirements: worships you, worships the Order. Does he know how cold you can turn? Does he pour himself out to you, hoping in return for a bit of warmth for his soul? Yes, I thought so.

_-beep-_

Dooku here, Qui-Gon. I have a rebuttal for our latest discussion we had at your Knighting Anniversary. Thirty years in your philosophical errors is long enough. It's time I set you straight.

_-beep-_

Tahl here. Qui-Gon, I want to go to the upscale Elfin Sprite Bistro for dinner tonight, your treat. Bant will be studying here at home with Obi-Wan and all the rest. It's time I left the group alone more so they gain some independence. You would know about that, wouldn't you? Master Dooku left you alone often enough.

_-beep-_

Nu calling, Master Jinn. I'm giving you one last chance to return _Growing Better Pole Beans. _I represent the Temple, Master Jinn. When you defy me, you defy the Council and the Order. Is this the example you wish to set for young Padawan Kenobi? Fines accumulate as I speak, Master Jinn.

_-beep-_

Qui-Gon, plainly will I speak. Stop spreading rumors, you will this instant, that Master Yaddle and I hail from the benighted world of Dagobah. Why you wish to imply this is beyond us. If a vision guides you, that is another thing entirely. A connection to that nasty slophole do you foresee for us? Comm me immediately on my private number.

_-beep-_

Big Leo's feelings are hurt that you have not acknowledged his hospitality. Won't you take advantage of his offer of seven thousand credits as a stake in any gaming? He is certain that you will have the thrill of a lifetime. We know that your word as a Jedi is good for any overages. Big Leo likes the Jedi.

_-beep-_

Hi, me again, Master! I'm onplanet and arriving on the ninth hour mag-lev. Hope to see you soon.

_-beep-_

Um, Qui-Gon, Didi here. Could you by any chance wire me those funds soonest? To a drop account, to protect your silent partner status, of course. Codename: ROTUND1, care of Coruscant Express.

_-beep-_.

Astri, this is Qui-Gon. Ah, I'm so upset! Qui-Gon, this is Astri. I failed my cooking exam, but never mind that now. Didi is getting in deeper and deeper with Big Leo. Now that gangster demands his funds up front. Please don't enable my father!

_-beep-_

Master, I will be home in time to water the plants and feed the animals before bedtime. I saw you have added a Glee Anselm goldfish to the crew. It doesn't look well, Master, and you should be prepared if it passes into the Force before morning. I will do the necessary flushing this time to spare you any distress. I promised to protect you as much as I am able, Master. Your burdens are mine.

_-beep-_

It's Finis. Come _on_, Qui-Gon, the big ones are biting right now! Meet you at the pier! Come along and be my bodyguard or something. If you don't want to find fish for us, that's all right!

_-beep-_

My cherished ex-Master, tell young Obi-Wan that the Broken Circle is the place to come to for someone who knows just how impossible it is to be your Padawan. I'll welcome him and so will the Dark Side.

_-beep-_

Qui-Gon, I forbid you to wheedle your new Padawan into making a courtesy comm to me in your stead. I do not wish to be questioned further on how to please you. It is growing tedious for a Jedi Master of my stature. If you do not wish to speak with me regarding our ideological differences, merely say so and I shall cease communications with you until we meet in person.

_-beep-_

Qui-Gon, it's Tahl. I'm in the bar at the Elfin Sprite, where are you?

_-beep-_

Archives calling Master Jinn. I am forced to reinstate your fine in the amount of three hundred and forty-seven point fifty-two credits. You have only yourself to blame. Nu out.

_-beep-_

Hey. Jedi. It's Big Leo. I won't forget dis. I know where youse live.

_-beep-_

Master, Genevra here. Don't wait up for me. Something's come up and I've got to return to Sugnid. I'll see you when I see you, I suppose. We'll have a good time then. You _know_ we'll have a good time then.

_-beep-_

Forget the funds, Qui-Gon. My sweet daughter whom I cherish and always more or less listen to has decreed that honesty is the best policy. Where she gets that from, I don't know. I think she must be part Jedi. Not that I'm suggesting anything, dearest old friend! You know how your Didi loves you. I'll be in touch after we settle on Nuralee.

_-beep-_.

Nuralee, that's where we're headed, Didi says. Qui-Gon, the Oddo family is relocating. Thanks for listening to all this drama. Whatever you do, don't get on the bad side of Big Leo. I think good things are awaiting Astri Oddo on Nuralee.

_-beep-_

Erm, Master Jinn? It's Bant, you know, Padawan Eerin? Master Jinn, Obi-Wan's being morose again about yours and his relationship? And it's ruining our study group? Like every time? Can you please, if it isn't too much trouble, tell him something to make him stop this? Even if you have to, erm, bend the truth a little? Master Tahl just sighs at him and mumbles something about Padawan Protective Services but I don't think we need involve them, do you?

_-beep-_

Master, Master, don't pay any attention to Bant's comm. I am fine! It's all part of being fourteen, just like we discussed the other night. When I am grown up, we'll laugh at this. If I ever laugh again. No, don't listen to _me_, either.

_-beep-_

Valorum to Planet Jinn, Valorum to Planet Jinn: Qui-Gon, if you don't show up in the next thirty minutes, we're leaving without you! It'll do you good, give you and your new Padawan some bonding time! He looks peaked. Let's build him up, eh?

_-beep-_

Yaddle, this is. Know, Master Jinn, that Dagobah _is_ the homeworld of the Troll and myself. Troubles we left behind there on our last visit five centuries ago. Many debts. A few warrants. One unexplained explosion. A fresh start, we wanted. Mess this up for us, you will _not. _Know, I do, what you are growing in your 'rare plant herbarium.' A word to the wise, Master Jinn.

_-beep-_

Xanatos to Jinn. It's only a matter of time before Obi-Wan finds out the truth of your teachings about the Living Force, or should I say Farce? You're a pathetic Master. You know it, I know it and soon Obi-Wan will know it. Genevra will come around sooner or later. The Dark Side has given me patience enough to deal with _her _putrid sweetness.

_-beep-_

Dooku speaking. Qui-Gon, I shall never give up on you. Expect a comm in the next tenday regarding our latest debate. Perhaps your Padawan would care to conference comm with us? I sense that his mind is not so set in your ways as you would like to think. He might join me on my side of the issue.

_-beep-_

Welcome home, **Senior Padawan Extraordinaire Xanatos DeCrion. **You and your Master have **1700** unread messages in your GalacticTech inbox.

_-beep-_

_Oh, for the love of - I have to redo the ending part, too? Obi-Wan, come help me with this._

OoOoOoOoOoOo

The End.

Reposted from my LJ, tweaked slightly.


End file.
